I got this comment: Instead of making it happen… Let it happen… from http://yeseventhistoowillpas.wordpress.com/ yesterday on my last post. And it has been working up a lot of thoughts and feelings.
So how do we let anything happen instead of making it?
Dont I need to make or do something to let things happen?
Or should I just sit back and expect everything to happen on its own?
This is making my head hurt 😛
SO now I’m thinking.. What if I can’t find my life purpose because I’m searching to hard. I’m chasing something that I should let come to me. Or maybe I even have it already, but are chasing so hard I can’t recognize it..
Can life be so simple as to be what it is?
Am I ment to be a mum and that’s where my purpose lay?
I love kids, I love teaching. And my dream that I let go of yesterday was to be able to teach kids that need extra help. But then another thought fell into my head. What if my studies and my job takes away my focus on my own kids? Coz it kind of did over the past two years in Oslo.
That’s not right either.
So to let this go, I’m opening up for quietness. For me to see and be with my own kids. My youngest is only 4 years old. So I don’t really need to fulfill myself right now. I should be a mum and when the kids get older I can change my focus.
But will it be enough? Will I manage to stay on top of life this way?
So what is my conclusion? I have no idea. All I know is that before I got kids I didn’t care about a career. All I wanted was to be able to support myself. I don’t need status or a million in the bank (well the money wouldn’t hurt 😛 ) But I always felt like my life wasnt fulfilled by work and money. It was deeper. It was the passion I had for life and the people I love that fulfilled me. So where did this change?
I guess loosing my passion and self-worth made it change. Also the “high” I got by accomplishing change in my last job made me crave it more. And at some point I started to think I was all about my accomplishments at work.
I don’t want that any more. I want back to basic. I want back to life. Back to passion. Back to being happy about life for what it is, not for what I can accomplish!
And when I left Oslo I had a thought about using this year to find back to myself. To use time making decisions on my future. Instead I dived deep down into my teacher studies, just because I was scared that I was selfish to take time for myself. To take time to face my hurts. To take time to finally heal them.
But my actions yesterday took that time back. So now my focus will be myself and my kids. Nothing more. No pushing forward until it happens.
And it will happen when I’m ready.
Now I have been pushing. And it’s not right, when I push the darkness will get the control. When I let go, the light shines in all the cracks. I want the light to shine everywhere, and it will when I let it and stop pushing.
Time to pull back, find my yoga mat and just breath.
Everything is okay, everything is as it should be, and I’m still worth the best, I just don’t need to push to get it. It will come if I let it.
Thank you http://yeseventhistoowillpas.wordpress.com/ for shedding some light for me ❤