Its so sad, but when things are going down I turn to food. And I know so well that its not the solution at all.
But its just so good!!
My therapy got cancelled today due to an emergency. And I do understand that the emergency is more important than my issues, but I felt so low. And I was in a shopping mall. So my two options at the moment was: go eat or go shopping!
Luckily I went for some food. Coz I had enough common sense to know I couldn’t blow our money on crazy shopping. That would only lead to more despair down the line. But food is something I need, so I could go and grab some food.
As I was walking around looking for shoes for my oldest daughter I started to plan my food. My comfort food. My medicine for my stressed feelings.
I wanted some creamy potatoes, a huge meal at Mac Donald’s, a pizza, some ice cream, a coffee etc etc.
But then I decided to calm down, and just go to Mac Donald’s and grab a frappe and a cheese burger to go! And I did!
I know its not healthy and not what my body need, but at least I managed to stay out of the binging. I managed to control my impulse to just treat myself with a small treat instead of an enormous!
SO toady I did treat myself, I did not choose the healthy option, but at least I didn’t go all the way like i usually do.
And right now, an hour later I feel good about it.
I feel full and satisfied and have no cravings at all! And even though I didn’t get my therapy today I have a new appointment in a week and hopefully then it will work out fine 🙂
And I have come to realize that I hope to be staying away from any type of chemical medication during my treatment, and that I hope to get help so I don’t use food as my drug either.
I’m not comfortable in my own skin any more, and I now know the food is connected to my feelings. And I also know that my binge eating is not helping me feeling comfortable in my own skin. But I can’t solve this alone. I know I need help with this, and that I just need to be patience until it all gets sorted out and therapy is my path.
I am one step closer though, even though it felt like I took ten steps back when I lost my therapy session earlier today.