You kind of had a plan and then…

you find out it was all in your head!

Its strange how moving this summer has changed me so much! And the security net I thought I had by moving is not what I thought it would be!

Mind baffling!

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So then I start to overthink.

Could it be that I made a huge mistake? Could my issues have been less if I had just stayed in the situation I was struggling with in the city?

And to some degree I think I would have a better time if I had just stayed.

But then I look at my kids and they are blossoming! They have changed so much, and they seem so happy here! So active and carefree, just like kids are supposed to be.

So I guess in some way this was right.

And when it comes to me. Well I just have to lower my expectations. And like I have been thinking lately look for support in new places. Maybe not so much inside my family. And with time I can accept that to be the best. Right now it just makes me sad. So I’m diving into some food and candy today to numb my feeling and instead enjoy some playtime with my kids ❤

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Letting thoughts in is like draping myself in darkness. Expecting help or support is turning out to be the same. It never was before, because I have always been so focused on managing by myself. So I need to find back to that place in myself where I can deal by myself. Where I’m alone. And where I find strength in being alone.

And I said it several years ago, friends are the family you choose for yourself. My family didn’t choose me, so they shouldn’t be burden with me either. I see that. And I acknowledge it.

I just pray that my kids will never feel like a burden with me and that I will never feel like a burden to them when they have their own families.

Change can happen, and I hope it will happen with me and my kids. When there is hope everything is possible.

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8 thoughts on “You kind of had a plan and then…

  1. Don’t look back nor forward. I mountain lions lives in the moment. You have never heard of a depressed mountain lion… They live in the moment. Sounds stupid I know.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. God has a bigger plan for you! It is hard to just be in the moment, and move forward in every moment, just for that moment. It is my struggle as well… but everytime I do it, something wonderful happens within me, and spreads to those around me. Move forward from exactly where you are…. you have an army behind you! Peace to you my friend ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Today has been really peaceful! Had a long chat with a good friend last night and it helps to see things in another persons perspectiv 😊 so been feeling good today and almost ready for a week of teacher training🙈

      Like

    1. Time is my key word these days ☺️ it’s just very hard for me to let myself have time. But today was peaceful and we just had a day with no worries or stress, super nice family day 👍❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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