The darkness is crawling at my toes..

Woke up this morning with a heaviness in my soul. I have been really high on life over the last week, not slept much and not been overeating. Everything has been feeling damn good! If I must say so myself.

And after a high, there is a low. Isn’t that just the laws of life?

Well it always surprises me.

And since I had no plans other than to read a book today, I went back to bed. The weather is gloomy and dark, so when I hit the covers it felt like it was nighttime outside. And I fell back to sleep. And I slept for 5 hours. Almost until my oldest is coming home from school!

And I think I would have been a sleep still if a phone call hadn’t woke me up. A dreaded phone call. The phone call where I need to talk about my demons. And its horrible. So of course I ended up in tears. Broken again. Feeling there would be no room for change after the phone call was over. So I laid there in the dark (it was still kind of dark and it was 1 pm..) crying. Thinking I had no choice but to go back to the horrible situation I wanted out off.

Half an hour ago I got a new phone call from the same number. She told me the change will happen. NOW. Relief. Pure relief.

And now I am up, not feeling a need for sleep. Still feeling the darkness crawling at my toes. But I’m being mindful about myself. I am giving myself some honor for managing to address the demons in the first phone call. For being able to address my need for change. It helped, and it gave me change.

There is stream of light. And there is hope for positive thinking. It may actually lead to the changes I want…..

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11 thoughts on “The darkness is crawling at my toes..

    1. Thank you M ❤ I know you are struggling these days too, so your words of encouragement is heart touching. Sending you lots of love and light, and very night I light a candle for you and ask AA Raphael to help you on your healing process. Hope you don't mind ❤

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      1. Hello Maria
        Thank you for the kind words. I will take any and all prayers, thoughtful words or candles. I bring some of the extra pain on myself by not getting enough sleep and doing to much. The past two days my days look like that and I will pay when my body is ready to scream.
        I keep my eyes on the future and accomplished an important goal last week. I am an Ordained Minister. I plan to work with the elderly and sick once I’m well. I have lots to learn. There are many religions or beliefs I’m not familiar with. I can’t wait until all my books arrive. I am not restricted to only support Christians. I may have to talk with you about Buddha.
        Take care
        🙂
        M

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      2. Wow that sounds awesome! So when my prince is coming riding on his unicorn and wanting to marry me, we should travel abroad to you ❤

        And what a great future goal, the elderly will be blessed to have you around ❤

        I hope you manage to take some time to rest, its important to heal ❤ sending you lots of love and healing thoughts every night I go to bed ❤

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      3. I can even marry you, prince charming and unicorn on the beach at sunset. My credentials only work in America. There is information of International but not there with reading yet. I haven’t even told my husband. He’s not the bucket list, set goals for life blah blah….. I’ll find the time. Probably the day my Certificate and documents show up.
        I know I’m crazy!
        good night

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  1. I’m glad that you are keeping your mindfulness… well mindful. I missed this first Mindful Monday but I’m hoping it will help me get on track. Hang in there! You are correct and with those highs come lows- just don’t let them get the best of ou.

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