Woke up this morning with a heaviness in my soul. I have been really high on life over the last week, not slept much and not been overeating. Everything has been feeling damn good! If I must say so myself.
And after a high, there is a low. Isn’t that just the laws of life?
Well it always surprises me.
And since I had no plans other than to read a book today, I went back to bed. The weather is gloomy and dark, so when I hit the covers it felt like it was nighttime outside. And I fell back to sleep. And I slept for 5 hours. Almost until my oldest is coming home from school!
And I think I would have been a sleep still if a phone call hadn’t woke me up. A dreaded phone call. The phone call where I need to talk about my demons. And its horrible. So of course I ended up in tears. Broken again. Feeling there would be no room for change after the phone call was over. So I laid there in the dark (it was still kind of dark and it was 1 pm..) crying. Thinking I had no choice but to go back to the horrible situation I wanted out off.
Half an hour ago I got a new phone call from the same number. She told me the change will happen. NOW. Relief. Pure relief.
And now I am up, not feeling a need for sleep. Still feeling the darkness crawling at my toes. But I’m being mindful about myself. I am giving myself some honor for managing to address the demons in the first phone call. For being able to address my need for change. It helped, and it gave me change.
There is stream of light. And there is hope for positive thinking. It may actually lead to the changes I want…..