I’m struggling with family members reading my blog and throwing shit about it.. It is my own mistake for making it public and without a pen name. I am not sure what to do about this. However, right now all I manage to do with everything else happening is staying away from my computer. It sad when the few family members I am able to have a sort of normal relationship on my mother’s side is using my blog against me.
I need to write my feelings out, and I want to get out of the stigma that depression and anxiety has. Nevertheless, it seems like I need to do so under a pen name. Isn’t that just double standard though?
In the past, I was looking forward to develop a better relationship with these people, today I just want to end it. Screaming at me on the phone, and making me scream back is just so destructive. Bringing issues from several years ago is also just destructive. Telling me how I should feel about my mum AND my dad is destroying everything. I understand that my mother’s family have issues with me feeling differently with my mum and dad. But they still can’t tell me that I can’t feel how I do.
I know my dad picked some wrong people around us as kids, but he is the most stable person I have had in my life as an adult. My mum is not. And was not when I was a kid either. Her “helping” out by seeing her grandchildren is not patching up anything. It has absolutely nothing to do with our relationship. How she and her family cannot understand that is beyond me!
I hate being tied up in my writing, I need to express everything I feel through my written word. Now I feel restrained.
So what would happen if I changed my pen name and blog… I do not know. I just know I would still be me, and still be authentic in my feelings and writing. I would just not feel restrained about what they would throw back in my face.