It’s strange how today feels like the first day of the new year. The weeks since New Year seems like a different time, a different life, a different zone. It’s like I am starting over again today. Back to school, back to life also.
Changed in a way.
Feeling differently about most things.
Maybe even motivated.
I’m not sure. I feel the spring is knocking on my door, and that always lifts my spirit. Last night I went to bed without a movie, usually that is a catastrophe and usually it only brings my head into a dark spiral of thoughts. But I managed to just lay still and listen to the wind outside, the snow dripping, melting and just was. And I actually fell a sleep. It’s not been happening in years! I have usually ended up in a depressed mood that I have dragged with me into the next day.. or even week.
But on the other hand things are calm around me at the moment. I have a good idea about my future. I know my money situation is fu**ed and that there is nothing I can do about it until I get an appointment with a financial dude next month..
I know I am starting group and individual therapy soon, loosing my current physiologist too. But I am ready.
I know my kids are getting more and more attention as I focus on it. And our home environment is more stable than it has been in a couple of years. We are laughing more, and smiling more!
I know I can handle my classes this year so I can proceed to the third year. And that’s the year I am choosing my own subjects, the ones I really enjoy! Coz I know I can become a great teacher if I just don’t give up!
I know my dad is there for me. No matter what.
I know the best way for me to live my life peacefully is to have as little contact with my mum and her family as possible.
I know I have started to build a relationship with the mother of my kid’s half siblings. And it feels amazing, I have such great hope for the kids and their future together. I truly believe it will enriching their life so much to stay in touch ❤ And I feel we have a connection as adults and truly believe it might be able to evolve into some kind of friendship..
And last I know I have a body image that is not good, and I am so aware of the changes that I need. And the help I need. And I am ready to go there. I am not scared of my body any more. I want it to be the reflection of the happy inside I am building day by day.
So life is getting brighter. The darkness is not crawling at my toes right now. I have a pretty good grip on my light and I let it shine even when it feels hard and not possible. I am working hard for ME. And it feels damn good to finally be able to do so!
Onward and upward, that’s the motto I have for this month 🙂