I have been so deeply connected to my computer over the last year when I have felt deep down into the darkness. It has been my lifeline. The thing that has helped me stay out of my head and not go all dark and gloomy on myself.
But a couple of weeks ago I had a horrible fight with my oldest child. And she screamed in my face: “you don’t care any more, you just care about your computer!”
And I felt crushed. Coz I really do care. I just find so much peace in writing and chatting to friends, and I watch all my favorite shows online. But most of my friends are online friends. It suits me. I don’t enjoy having people over, and I don’t enjoy visiting others. I do both. But I don’t feel a need too. So the friendships I have online are deeper and stronger, and longer lasting.
But her words hit me hard. At the same time I was thinking I need to explain more to her what I use the computer for A N D most of all, I need to manage my time on the computer better.
But its strange when you have gotten accustomed to certain habits, it feels very hard to change them! But on the other hand when your kid needs you more, you can turn the world pretty much upside down for them.
So I gave myself some computer rules. I don’t know if I personally like them yet, but my kids love them 😉
So these days I am not allowed to be on the computer when the kids are around, only if its studies. And they are usually in the daytime when they are away at school and daycare.
So my computer time for leisure is now at 9 pm !! And to be honest just some weeks ago I went to bed at 9 pm 😛 But I am now slowly turning my evening into some “me-time”. So hopefully soon I will be able to put my blogging into the evening time, and hopefully I will still feel creative then. Usually I am most creative when the kids are running around, playing or screaming, or both! And too tired in the evening to even manage to finish up a thought! But my yoga practice is also turning into an evening practice these days, so it might help with the writing juice too!
Most of all I believe in family time, so we are going to soon be able to enjoy these new routines all four of us. And since I also love my friends and writing I know I will find the perfect balance for all of it in the end ❤
And my nerves about tomorrows group therapy is non-existing since I had to cancel my appointment because my little man is sick. But at least I didn’t get kicked out of the group and had to wait for a new one to start over, luckily I will be joining next week. So saving my nerves for now 😉