Staying in the light!

It is November! And I am not down in the darkness!! It has been a yearly happening over the last 5-6 years, “October-darkness”. October has usually kicked my butt pretty hard.

And this year started no different, the first two weeks of October had me crawling. I was so close to just give up. To give in. To not care.

But some where along those two weeks I felt the need to just not give a f**k! I decided that shit is bad, and shit will be bad for a while. So lets just make the best out of it! And by shit it is mostly finances and my baby boys issues at school. ย But also self love. Self acceptance. Self worth. The usual shit.

And as I let it go things changed.

All of the sudden I was blessed with financial stability for the rest of the school year, I could finally just focus on my studies and kids. And as I let go of the need of fixing my baby boys issues, I just focused on him and encouraged him to make good choices EVERY day, something changed for him too! TWO huge stress factors were gone.

And in all of this I just decided that I have lost 17+- kilos and I am proud of it! My body is not perfect, and my weight is not at my goal-weight! But I am not giving up my good eating habits just because I don’t have time to exercise like I did earlier this year.

In April I decided to go plant-based, that means no meat, no diary and no oil. But it was hard!! So right now I am an vegetarian. No meat, no oil, but a tiny bit of diary. It is hard to get of the diary. I love cheese and sour cream to much! But I am scaling it down. And my goal for 2017 is to be able to live a plant base lifestyle ๐Ÿ™‚

So over the last two weeks I have given my self some elbowroom to not get sad about the exercise part, and just because of that I started November with a smile!!

It doesn’t mean that my life is full of unicorns and rainbows lol there is still those dark moments and thoughts. But I am not letting them rule my life right now! I am working hard on having control over my thoughts. And I truly believe it will bring me all the healing I need when needed. And next month is my last session at my therapist, so I feel more confident now that I see that I can bring myself out of the mess in a much healthier way than before โค

Frustration!

So I have this urge to write, but there is so little time! There have been many years since life was as busy as it is right now, and some days I wonder if I really like it like this… Some days I don’t even know what the day is or how to get through everything I have to do!

Image result for burning my candle at both endsAnd in some ways I know if I stay on this track I will hit that horrible dark spot again, the one I have stayed clear from for over 2 years now. It’s not like I feel it coming, but I just know that if I keep burning my candle at both ends it will happen. So how does anyone find the balance between excitement and relaxation? The balance between giving and receiving? The balance to live happily in high speed and slowing down when needed?

I definitely don’t have the answers yet! But I know that I have taken some small steps to change my environment to help me find the balance. This last weekend I changed out my yoga space in my bedroom with an office space. Because honestly, I never did yoga in my bedroom after I created a yoga space in the living room. Image result for easelAnd who needs TWO yoga spots in one house LOL ๐Ÿ˜‰
So now its22.41 pm and I’m not crawled up in bed yet, I am sitting in my office space and writing. And it feels great to have this time by myself. To do what I love! Because before I got this space I went to bed when the kids did around 9 pm and watched movies and just slept. My office space was then in the hallway and I made to much noise for the kids to sleep and I felt uninspired sitting alone in a long dark hallway. Now I have my stuff all around me and I can light candles and incense sticks and just enjoy writing, or even paint if I feel like it ๐Ÿ™‚ All I want from Santa now is an easel, that would make my personal space even more fun!!

So hopefully I will be around more, and I am also looking forward to writing more about my inner journey over the last 6 months. It has been a lot of changes, and I feel ready to share some of it soon โค And hopefully I will be able to start sharing on the Survivers blog too soon โค

See you around soon!

 

 

Weekly guidance ๐Ÿ”ฎ


This week I have used Doreen Virtues deck Magical messages from the Fairies ๐Ÿ’œ

Today is a full moon and the energies are high and might feel a bit stressful. But remember that the best way to stay grounded and focused is to connect with nature. Breathe and be outside. Let the sun, wind, snow or rain embrace your body. Feel nature on your skin, in your soul and deep in your heart. This week brings energies of fresh and new beginnings. Here in the northern hemisphere spring is about to knock on our door. Let go of the old and let the new in.

This card is a sign to all of us that our spirit craves more time outside! Even if ย it’s only for a short time try to get outside every day this week. And feel how refreshed your mind will feel, new ideas, new dreams and creative solutions will appear to you just when you thought everything was impossible or you feel completely out of hope.

Things will change this week, embrace it and let nature comfort and guide you all the way โ˜€๏ธโ„๏ธ๐ŸŒง๐Ÿš๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒต๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ„

Day 128 of gratitude โค๏ธ

ย Today I’m grateful for life! Today I have felt love and compassion from the small circle that surrounds us. AND I was brave enough to speak my mind about a family situation to my grandparents!

Some days are just good!

It’s never been my strong side to see these days, but this gratitude state is really changing my view.

This fall I have prepared my kids that we will not have unlimited resources during Christmas since I’m a student. But over the past couple of days we have gotten so many unexpected blessings and gifts! My heart is truly touched!

And today when the kids saw the gifts under the tree they looked at me like I had lied ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ so I had to tell them they are blessed to have good people in their life’s! Because Santa hasn’t been here yet with his gifts!

Their looks was just amazing โค๏ธ true gratitude is easily seen in the face of a child!

And this Christmas is most of all about the blessings of having family over for dinner at Christmas Eve (in Norway we celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve). Not the gifts! And it just show that a grateful and giving heart gets the same back! It’s actually 4(!!)presents under the tree for me too! And that doesn’t include all the homemade stuff the kids have wrapped ๐Ÿ˜Ž over the last decade I have never had store bought gifts! The money my parents have given me have usually gone to my kids or food ๐Ÿ˜œ

I might sound superficial, but I’m just thankful. Really really thankful. This has been a good year๐Ÿ’ซ

Day 101 of gratitude ๐ŸŒ

All day today I have been angry and upset about my education situation! It now seems like I can’t get the English I want, and on top my lecture days next fall are the same as my planned group therapy! I figured all this out yesterday and didn’t sleep very well last night ๐Ÿ™„ 

So today I hoped to get it sorted out, but I didn’t ๐Ÿ™ˆ and all day I have been angry and upset. And I just wanted to write an angry hysterical blog post. 

But tonight when I drove Lily to her handball practice the beautiful full moon shone brightly on us in the dark. And I realized that there are bigger problems out there and I’m truly blessed! 

So now I have flipped my view and made a new education plan!! I haven’t fully accepted my loss yet, but I’m getting there ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿปand I have English this year, and I know I can take more English classes when my teacher education is done ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป 

So I’m ending my plan of English being my major subject and rather putting my focus on finishing my education so I can get out there in the school system and teach full time ๐Ÿค“๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿป๐Ÿ“ 

  
 

Weekly guidance ๐Ÿ”ฎ

ย ย This weeks guidance is yet again from Doreen Virtue and Radleigh Valentines Archangel tarot deck.

This deck is just speaking loudly to me these days and my personal cards always give me great guidance too.

Hope you can get some encouragement or hope through this weeks guidance.

Love and blessings to you all โค